Beginning with …. The Pause
Mind in action, racing, angular, sharp, invasive … “STOP!” I shout wanting relief.
Pushing it all away … needing what I call “peace of mind”. A yearning; a longing.
Failing miserably as it drags me into another brief chapter – exhausted.
What if … I “do” nothing? Don’t push, hide, ignore, shout and scream, stoke it’s embers giving it the oxygen to burn even brighter.
What if … I press the “PAUSE” button just for a second … the briefest of moments …. WHAT IF?
But HOW do I DO that?
Then in all the mystery, the wondering, the questioning, my mind stops.
JUST STOPS. I felt myself blink in surprise! A momentary awareness … subtle … brief
An EVIDENCE SEARCH?
So how do I know this “auto” PAUSE happened?? I call it ‘auto’ because I did nothing, or so it seems.
In the briefest of pauses, in the stopping of my thoughts, my awareness
I noticed I had lost my “train of thought”. I had to really think where my thoughts were up to!
This became a game. Allow the auto stop then chase the thoughts!
But I couldn’t … I could not remember what the chaotic ‘thought drag’ was up to …
The harder I tried, the less I remembered but it no longer mattered.
But then ‘trying’ also stopped.
Looking around, standing; where was I now?
MY thoughts stopped … PAUSE …
MOMENT …. by MOMENT… by MOMENT …
In a space I knew intimately. A space I felt as ME.
Felt in the full body sense as stillness … peace … yet fully alert?
Alert? .. NO! AWARE
AWARE OF a quality of that still space of ME
AWARE OF a sense of familiarity and knowing
AWARE OF .. and a LISTENING TO .. seemingly an inner mind stream of innate wisdom
“Not the way I speak” , “Not the way I think” , “Words I don’t use?” were the judgements, my mind’s judgements of those words that seemed to carry intent and truth ….